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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?